Missing Him

Another month down. We are now in month 7 of this deployment, with hopefully only 5 more months. The first 6 months didn't seem so bad, I was able to see E 4 times. This time there are no visits planned. It hasn't been easy on the little one either. She has gone from 6 to 16 in the last few weeks. (I am not looking forward to the teenage years!) This has prompted me to lay down the new rule that E is not allowed to deploy during the teenage years, and if he does she will join him! I am planning on changing a few things around the house to test if this will affect some of her behavior.

There are good days and bad days around this house. Most times I don't have enough time to swell on what I am missing. But then there are times that my heart physically needs him. Tears fall faster than they can be wiped, and sobs come from deep within me. It is usually on these days that Munchkin has her meltdowns, which only makes things worse. She definitely got the "fire" of emotions that come with the red hair....in a double dose.

While getting my teeth cleaned today, the hygienist asked me how long he has been in the CG. I told her almost 7 years, he joined when I was 6 months pregnant. When she asked me about it, I told her I didn't have a choice. Not that he didn't really give me any input, but that he wanted it so badly....I couldn't take that dream from him. I couldn't let him live the rest of his life with the regret of never fulling living out his dreams. I saw the need in his eye, the desire to do something bigger than he was. I remember him waking me up (I was working night shift) and he was so excited, he had stopped in with the recruiter to find out some information. He was talking so fast, I could hardly keep up (it could have been the lack of sleep). He promised I would get to also speak with the recruiter and ask her any questions I might have. And I did. When my questions were answered, I gave my "ok" and we officially became a military family. That was the first anniversary we spent apart. Since then we have been together on half of them. I must say, that even though he may have been gone he has never let an anniversary go by that I didn't feel the love between us.

I have been to a few weddings this year, and each one brings back the wonderful memories of our wedding. I remember holding E's hands in front of our family and friends. Speaking our vows to love each other no matter what. Feeling him place my ring on my finger. How my heart sand when the Priest told him he could kiss his bride. We have been together almost 14 years, married for 9. It seems like we have been together forever, but at the same time not long enough. Next year will be 10 years. I am hoping that we will be renewing our vows. Maybe even in Hawaii.

In 5 months there will be a happy mommy and daughter, and a happy Coastie. Until then we just have to take it one day at a time.